Marriage Conflict

Marriage Conflict – The Source
Marriage conflict is a normal part of married life. When two people come together in marriage, conflict is bound to happen. Each person has had different life experience, and undoubtedly, has different expectations of marriage and from his/her spouse. Therefore, each one is going to react differently to life’s challenges.

Marriage Conflict – The Response
Whenever two or more people come together, the chance of marriage conflict is bound to increase. Marital conflicts are not bad in themselves. It is our response to the conflicts that can be either helpful or harmful. Marital conflict can be the challenge to help us grow into more mature persons and a more mature relationship or it can destroy our marriages. Perhaps God is using the particular quirks of our spouse as sandpaper to polish the rough edges off our own characters.

You might be surprised to learn the Bible discusses this. In the book of James it says to be happy when the way is rough because then our patience has a chance to grow. When our patience grows, it shows that we are mature (James 1:1-4). It shows that love really dwells within us. The nature of true love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not touchy. It does not hold grudges and hardly even notices when others do it wrong (1 Corinthians 13).

We see what is really within us when our spouse “pushes our buttons.” Will we erupt in anger? Will we be rude? Will we demand he/she do it our way? Will we allow marital conflicts to rule our lives? Will we implement techniques to create better communication? Even though our spouse may be wrong in what he/she says or does, our response shows who we really are on the inside. We have a choice. We can react in a constructive way or we can react in a negative way, parading our anger, our sense of injustice, and our wounded pride.

Marriage Conflict – Examples
We don’t have to look far to see examples of marriage conflict. Conflict can range from a minor disagreement over what to have for dinner tonight to the extreme of abuse.

It’s often easy to get into a pity party and to feel wronged or self-righteous when a marital conflict occurs. There have been times in my own marriage where I truly felt that I had given all that I could give and that it was his turn to change. I found through counseling and prayer that my heart and my motives were often far from right or noble and that I was very wrong in my attitudes and reactions to my husband. I’ve learned that my husband has much to say and it is often very correct.

There is an example in the Bible of a woman who had every reason to be angry with her husband, to be rude, to berate him, but she did not. She chose to be a peacemaker instead. Her name was Abigail and her husband’s name was Nabal. The story is found in 1 Samuel 25. Nabal did a foolish thing. He insulted David’s men and railed at them when David was in need of help. David was very angry and intended to kill Nabal and all his men. Abigail, rather than being angry at her husband and berate him for his stupidity, for having put all of them in mortal danger, acted in a constructive way and saved their lives!

A modern example of an Abigail attitude is that of a young couple where the husband left the church they were raised in and were married in, to go into the occult. Even though it tore at the heart of the young wife she did not let it escalate into out of control marital conflicts. She was patient with him and kind. Rather than criticize, ridicule and nag him about his choice, which would surely have driven them apart, she chose to continue to respond to him in love. Because of her attitude toward him, in time he saw the wrongness of his choice and returned to the church.

Handling Insecurity

What is insecurity?

Insecurity is:

• Feeling of not being ``good enough'' to meet the challenge of a situation you face in life.

• Sense of helplessness in the face of problems, conflict, or concerns.

• Belief that one is inadequate or incompetent to handle life's challenges.

• Fear of being discovered as inadequate, ill fitted, or unsuited to meet responsibilities at home, school, or on the job.

• Sense of not fitting in, being ``out of synch'' with those in your peer group.

• Perception that life is unpredictable with most of the expectations you have to meet not clearly understood.

• Sense of always climbing up a mountain, never being able to reach the top.

• Sense of lacking support or reinforcement where you live, work, or play.

• Results from a sense of being unaccepted, disapproved, or rejected.

• Inner turmoil coming from a lack of direction or bewilderment as to where you are going, what your goals are, and what responses are appropriate for events in life.

Why are people insecure?

Insecure people may have:

• Been raised in a chaotic, unpredictable, or volatile environment in which they were kept off balance, on guard, or on edge.

• Experienced a major tragedy or loss in their lives and are having a difficult time in accepting this loss and adjusting to the ``change.''

• Experienced a major ``failure'' in life (e.g., divorce, losing a job, bankruptcy, failure in school, losing a friend, lack of acceptance into social or civic groups, etc.) that led them to question their personal competency.

• A poorly developed self-concept with low self-esteem, lacking belief in their personal goodness, skills, or abilities.

• Never felt accepted by the ``others'' in their life, so much so that they became chronically shy, retiring, and withdrawn in their interactions.

• Had an unrealistic list of rules and expectations prescribed by significant others in their life, rules they are striving to meet even in their current life.

• A poor body image, making them believe that others see them in a negative light. This makes them self-conscious, tense, and anxious in dealing with others.

• Never received enough positive reinforcement or feedback from others about their talents and abilities, leaving them unclear as to their skills.

• Been given very little direction, guidance, or discipline in their earlier lives leaving them unable to cope with the current pressures of life.

• Always felt overshadowed or overlooked due to the people in their lives who seemed to be more successful, smarter, prettier, more handsome, more athletic, higher achievers, getting much attention. This can foster doubt in an insecure person's ability to gain recognition for their successes, and can make them doubt their ability to achieve success.

What are some negative effects of insecurity?

People who are insecure can:

• Have difficulties in establishing healthy, long-lasting relationships.

• Be perceived incorrectly by others as being snobbish or uppity; therefore, they are avoided due to the others' misperceptions.

• Become victims of fears that impair their freedom of action or choice.

• Be candidates for paranoia feeling "others'' are out to get them.

• Scare others away from them by their defensive attitude.

• Be over-controlled emotionally, having problems letting others in on their emotions. This can lead others to guess what is going on until the passivity of the insecure person leads to an over-reaction by the others, resulting in conflict or rejection.

• Have problems on the job or in school when they have the knowledge, skills and abilities to do a task efficiently but are told to do it in a different, less effective manner. They get so uptight about the job and are fearful of standing up for what they believe that they get angry, hostile, and resentful until they either quit or succeed in submerging their emotions.

• Get passed over for promotions, advances, or honors because they are so quiet about what it is they do. This leads the insecure persons to feel more unaccepted, unappreciated, and under-valued.

• Have problems meeting people and often can become debilitated socially by chronic shyness.

• Become so inward that they seek to escape into their fantasy life rather than deal with the reality of their lives.

How can insecurity be overcome?

In order to overcome insecurity, people need to:

• Be willing to be put in vulnerable positions in life where they might get hurt.

• Take risks to change their current behavior.

• Trust others enough to expose themselves to them, risking vulnerability and the possibility of being hurt.

• Have a healthy and humorous belief in themselves in order to overlook their exaggerated need for acceptance and approval.

• Take a rational approach to each problem they face so that they are no longer inhibited by debilitating fears or beliefs.

• Practice assertive behavior in their lives, earning respect and the acknowledgment of their rights.

• Arouse the courage to take small steps in learning to experience success and overcoming their lack of belief in self. Once the success is experienced, they can build on it to gain the courage to act out of a strong conviction in their self-goodness and worth.

• Break the barrier or outer shell of the self-doubt they have hidden behind and reach out to others. Breaking out of their ``shells'' requires letting go of past hurts (real or imagined) and moving on with life.

• Open themselves to the possibility of success and accomplishment. Visualize or make a prophecy of winning at life so their energies are focused in a growth direction.

• Reward themselves for who they are and capitalize on their strengths, attributes, skills, and competencies.

Award

Gusto ko magpasalamat kay JEAN sa pagshare sa iya award sa ako..hehehehe...SALAMAT PART...sa wakas jud nakatuon jud me og blog...hahay..hinaot pud nakalingkawas kay nakatuon gamay..hehehe..atleast kabalo na..nagtry2 lng gud...basi diay..naganahan jud...kay nag story telling gani ko about sa ako FAM and frenz.....hehehe..
Basta part salamat jud sa uulitin...hehehehe..at tsaka kay jean ko naman natutunan itong pag blog..hehehe...salamat sa pag tudlo pagkadaghan na jud ko ipasalamat sa imo..grabe na to..heheheheh...

Gusto pud nako ishare sa ako mga fren ang award....

• KURT
• JAM
• KENNETH
• DENNIS
• CLENT
• CHAI
  

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Why Beer is Better Than Women

1. You can enjoy beer all month long.

2. Beer stains wash out.

3. You don't have to wine and dine a beer.

4. Your beer will always wait patiently in the car while you play football.

5. When your beer goes flat, you toss it out.

6. Beer is never late.

7. Hangovers go away.

8. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.

9. Beer labels come off without a fight.

10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.

11. Beer never has a headache.

12. After you've had a beer the bottle is still worth a dime.

13. A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another beer on your breath.

14. If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.

15. You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty.

16. A beer always goes down easy.

17. You can share a beer with your friends.

18. You always know when you're the first one to pop a beer.

19. Beer is always wet.

20. Beer doesn't demand equality.

21. You can have a beer in public.

22. A beer doesn't care when you come.

23. A frigid beer is a good beer.

24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.

25. If you change beers you don't have to pay alimony.

Baby Adanne


Yan c Baby Adanne namin..c Adanne Anthony Baroy....anak ng best friend ko..c ate bing isang ulirang INA..June 13, 2008 at exactlly 1:00 am sa DMC Hospital isinilang ni ate c Adanne...Adanne meaning Fire at Anthony kc St Anthony of Padua xa pinanganak...Hay naku pinahirapan tlg ni Adanne Nanay nya..pero kahit naghirap man nga husto c ate..binigay naman sa kanya ang pinka gwapong anak ...hehehe ang cute cute pa tlg..kaso grabe maka iyak bulabog jud ang Sapphire St. sa iya..sa lagob iya tingog..heheheh...kaya kami ni ate pulihanay og pasayaw2 sa iya para muhilom..ay!!perti jud kaisog sa bata namo oi..hehehe:) pero khit ganun man..mahal na mahal namin at xempre masaya kaya may bata sa house...

Every morning xa ang ALARM CLOCK ko..kc exactly 5:30 am..nag ccmula na syang magpagicng nga mga tao sa hauz..hehehe...kc panahon na para palitan xa ng damit..di namin xa now pinapadiaper kc namumula ang pwet nya..kawawa mxado...kaya evertym na bas na xa..ayun ang boses nya sobrang ingay...kaya kami taranta napalitan para manhimik xa...hay!!!gatulo jud amo singot sa iya..labi na iya mama..hahay!!!..perti!!...Iba c Adanne sa mga baby na nkita at naalagaan ko noon...kc napansin ko sa kanya, parang di xa dumaan ung tipong bata na bagong panganak na iiyak lng pag nabasa o gutom. SIYA hay naku gutom man o hindi parang may away sa bahay kala mo tlg cno kaaway ng mama nya un pala isang batang mag iisang buwan pa lng this coming SUNDAY...GOD BLESS ADANNE...wow!! ang bilis isang buwan na pala nakalipas...di ko kc maxadng napansin at di ko nga alm kung may nagbago sa kanya kc...everytime na uuwi ako ganun pa rin man..kc parati ko raw xa nakikita sabi nga ni mama..ganun nga daw tlg..pag parati mo nakikita o nakaksama di mo mpapansin agad kung ano nagbago sa isang tao kung tumaba ba og pumayat..kc cmula ng pinanganak c Adanne purya buyag lng...grabe ka lagsik..kusog na gani kaau xa manipa..nanunulak na nga eh pag pinapadede xa ng NANAY nya...kung baga ang lakas2 nya...kahit kulang xa sa bitamina kc nung nagbubuntis c ate di naman xa umiinom na para sa buntis..pero pasalamat nlng pud me oi na ana s Adanne ka lusog...sana magpatuloy til lumaki xa....
Sa pag labas ni Adanne sa mundo narealize ko ganu kasakit manganak at kung bakit nagtampo ang nanay ko nung nagmeet at nang tumira na ako sa bahay ng real Father ko...kc sa pinagdaanan ni ate at ni Adanne now nikikita ko kung ano ako noon at c mama..kaso mas ok pa sitwasyon ko kaysa kay Adanne kc may lolo at lola akong sobrang mapag aruga...c Adanne kami2 lng nila mama at ate ang nag aalaga..pero kahit papanu tinutumbasan namin un ng pagmamahal...kasi Ako at c Adanne may pagkakatulad sa kapalaran...anak kami sa pagkadalaga ng aming mga MAHAL na INA..kay nga kung ano ung kaya kung ibigay sa kanya binibuhos ko kc naiintindihan ko ang sitwasyon nya..

My Mom

That"s my mom...Gemma Trumata....gemma or emmang...sa papel sister kami sa totoo at kahit sino tanungin mo na kakilala nmin SIYA ang PINAKAmamahal kong NANAY..heheh..libog nuh!!??..pero ana jud na xa..kaya sabta nlng hahahha:)).pero alam nyo bang mas maganda pa manmit nanay ko sa akin..at mas dalaga pa tingnan sa akin..SEXY MAMA nga biro ko palgi sa kanya kc...mas maganda manga2tawan ng nanay ko kaysa sa akin..hehehhe....bisag permi me ani nagagiyera ing ana lng jud mi ni mama, pero everytime we need each other open kami sa lahat..hehehe:)..noon nga hay! grabe jud amo naagian..kc lumaki ako sa mga mahal kong grandparents na matagal ng namayapa...kaya cguro di kami nagkakaintindihan ni mama kadalasan.alam nyo bang ngaun lng kami nagtagal na magkasama cmula ng nagkawork me til now..noon kc isang buwan lng pinkamatagal nmin kc...sobrang tapang nag nanay ko..di ko minsan maintindhan..laging mainit ang ulo lalo na pag WALANG PERA..hehahahahh...kaya magkaiba kami.,..kc ako pag ala o merong pera maingay pa rin ako heheheh:)..ayaw ko kc ung taong cge yawyaw gud na makainit og ulo...lahi man ang tabi sa yaw2 hehehhe...kay ako tabian man..hahha...abi nimo sa sobra kaisog sa ako mama sa una ala jud ko ana gaduol niya kay mahadlok ko..gikan ko elementary til college ko makentento lng ko na isa - duha kaoras me mag uban sa ako mama,kc gabisibisita ra man xa...kc noon nasa cotabato ako nag aaral tapos siya cmula ng mamatay step Father ko d2 na xa nanirahan sa DAVAO..kaya cguro malayo loob ko sa kanya noon.
Ngaun, mas Ok na kami ng nanay ko...nagtatawanan at nag aasaran na..Mas masaya at mas maganda na ang samahan,kc dapat di na ungkatin ang naklaipas at lalo na NANAy ko xa kahit ano pa mangyari."MAHAL namin SIYA...heheheh"...Ngayon binabawi niya ang lahay ng pagkukulang nya bilang nanay sa amin lahat ginagawa nya khit na minsan nahihirapan na siya..Ang buhay ng nanay ko cguro masasabi kong napaka challenging ...matatawag kong napakatapang nya para harapin ang lahat ng un....18 years old pa lng xa nang ipinanganak ako di pinalad sa kapartner kaya mga magulang niya ang naging katuwang nya sa pagpapalaki sa akin at hinanap nya ulit ang kapalaran nya nag aral ulit at naghanap ng trabaho.Pinalad na magkaasawa at nagkaroon cla ng dalawang anak ngunit pagkalipas ng ilang taon pinatay ang step Father ko kaya kosa xang umalis at hinanap ang sarili sa kabila ng paghihirap sinikap nyang mabuhay ng mag isa khit anong trabaho basta marangal pinasok nya hanggang sa nakapundar...kaso nag mga icpang mag abroad sa kahirapan at gustong maipon kaming mga anak nya d2 sa DAVAO nakipag sapalaran xa sa labas ng bansa ngunit sa guhit ng tadhana di xa pinalad umuwing luhaan at nauwi sa wala ang mga napundar nya noon...hahay!!!!(kalooy man sa inahan ko!!!)...ngaun binigyan ng isang pagkakataong bumangon nakapasok xa bilang Lady Guard ng Ateneo De Davao University sa tulong ng scholarship nya sa OWWA...Ngayon pinagtutulungan naming umahon at sana makapundar ulit...Ngunit di pa dun na tapos kc...noong june 2 lng kasali din kami sa nasunugan..hahay..!!! kaya lipat bahay na naman kami...CGURO nga kakambal ng nanay ko ang kamalasan heheeheh...HIndi ah..joke lng..hehehe...lahat naman ng tao nagkakaroon ng problema (pero sa dami ba naman ng kamalasan na un..hhehhehe)HAy...ana jud ng life oi....Kinabuhi jud sa pobre...heheheh...pero ok lng atleast safe kami at my mga trabaho na, matutupad din namin ng nanay ko ang lahat ng gusto naming marating kahit simple lng basta masaya kami at magkasama kami....hehehehe...GOD WILL MAKE A WAY...:)

Grabe ka tapang ng NANAY ko mapaaway man o problema nya hnarap nya na at kaya nyang xa lng.....bilib lng ako sa kanya kc..sa kadami2 nyang napagdaanan kinaya nya lahat at nanindigan xa...YAN ang mama ko...c GEMMA jud xa...hehhehe:D...One proud MAMA...hehehe:D

Mothers Love Poems
Words Cannot Express How Much I Love You

You are the best mother in the world; I say it all the time

You’ll do anything to keep a smile on my face

If something would ever happen to you,

I don’t know what I’d do

Cause I know no one could ever take your place

We have our good times and we have our bad

I’m glad when you tell me your opinion

Sometimes I get mad, but I know it’s for the best

Would I trade it for the world, no, are you kiddin’?

I love you to death and I would do anything for you

I’m sorry when I make you upset

I want you to know that I love you more than anything

And in my heart is where you will always be kept

If it weren’t for you, it wouldn’t be me

You helped me in my hardest situations

You made me feel better when I thought my life was over

You said it would be better things in my life I’d be facin’

Words can’t express how much I love you

I thank the lord for you everyday